When I was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. But...– Reed Bennett, Valentine’s Day
There you have it, folks. Young love. Full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of...– Male Anchor, Valentine’s Day
Dr. Copeland: What’s there to hate? Julia Fitzpatrick: Nothing, if...– Valentine’s Day
Karah Monahan: I have my best friend, Candy. Kelvin Moore: Oh, that’s...– Valentine’s Day
They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything.– Bil Keane
Natalie: I’d ask you in, but it’s too soon. Henry: We’ve...– Next to Normal
You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you...– Buttercup; The Princess Bride
Netflix can come in handy
Me: yea it's good
Me: but seriously, do be careful
Cupcake: oh i know.
Cupcake: odds are i might get hurt
Me: well i know you know, but it doesn't mean you're heart is accepting it
Cupcake: but my therapist says if you dont want to hurt you better hide in your house with a damn good netflix subscription haha
01/13/11, 11;02 PM, via IM
I know what you need...
(talking about wants vs needs)
Me: I mean, I know what I want, but I don't know what I need.
My Person: I know exactly what you need.
My Person: You need to get laid. Stat.
October '10, via conversation
Laughing at you
Me: it's been 24 hours since i last heard from him. unacceptable.
Demi: I am so laughing at you
Me: i so deserve it
Demi: I have never, in all my life, sat waiting for a guy to call or email me
Me: yea, well, that's why i'm lame and you aren't haha
Demi: you are not lame
Demi: but you are entertaining, esp right now
01/11/10, 10;26 PM, via IM
Me: The dating pool kind of ebbs and flows. Weeks will go by without so much as a wink and then suddenly I have 3 dates in just as many days.
Frenchie: Ugh that has to be incredibly frustrating
Me: Yea, it makes it hard. I mean, I've been emailing this one guy and feel like I have this great connection but what if it fizzles out or he never gets around to asking me out. Like, this other guy has started talking to me but I kind of feel attached to the first guy because we've shared such a connection over email. I just don't want to waste my time if nothing is going to come of it and ignore guy #2 when he may be the one I'm actually supposed to be with...
Frenchie: And why aren't you just dating both?
Me: I don't know, I guess I kind of feel guilty. I'm not very good at dating multiple people at once.
Frenchie: You shouldn't feel guilty. Feel empowered.
Me: Haha, well, I just wish I could queue them all up in a line and date them one at a time--at my speed. I need a dating ticketing system!
Frenchie: *Laughs* You should start telling guys to take a number!
Me: That would be amazing. I can date them, then when I'm done, I can move on.
Frenchie: Number 17?! 17????
Me: Oh...number 17, you don't like dogs? NEXT!
01/10/11, via Conversation
There's an App for that
Me: Oh my God! He's a fucking Virgin! A VIRGIN!
Jersey Girl: *Laughs* You're kidding, right?!
Jersey Girl: *Laughs Harder*
Me: You know what the sad thing is? He's got a HUGE dick and he doesn't even know how to use it! A waste!
Jersey Girl: Tell him to get an iPhone.
Me: How would that help?
Jersey Girl: I'm pretty sure Apple has an App for that
11/12/10, via Phone Call
Dukey: too bad theres not a way for u to put a red flag next to his profile online to warn people
Me: Oh no joke, I'd put red flags on half these peoples profiles lol
01/02/11, 5;11 PM, via text message
Gold Digging Ho
Me: Ok so someone who has their bachelors, a masters, almost done with law school and is in the process of a second masters either has a ton of money or a shit load of debt, right? Which one do you think this guy has lol
Cupcake: Haha hmmm with our luck he's in epic debt, right? haha
Me: Hmmm I'm going to gamble on lots of money. I haven't checked "be a gold digging Ho" off my list yet
01/02/11, 2;45 PM, via text message
Me: Does it make me a bad person if I've been sending emails to guys and browsing eHarmony/Match for the last 2 hours while Mr. Viagra is passed out sleeping next to me?
Cupcake: Hahaha nope. I fully support that
01/01/11, 11;27 PM, via text message
Me: I love you Hahaha you're my Jiminy Cricket
Cupcake: Haha when you wish upon a star...Haha no, im your cynical cricket. Cuz star wishing isn't gonna solve shit haha
12/26/10, 12;48 PM, via text message
Cupcake: OH!!! how was his cooking??
Me: Fabulous! He can make minute rice and reheat his moms meals like a boss
12/22/10, 10;24 AM, via text message
super creeper move
Cupcake: hahaha i cant believe you posted the phone call
Cupcake: thats kind of horribly cruel hahaha
Me: i bleeped out his name!
Cupcake: youre too thoughtful
Me: oh well, he can suck it
***Some time passes and I facebook stalk him***
Me: OMG OMG, the pic he has on his facebook page is the pic of me and him, but with me cut out
Me: he didn't delete that shit!?
Cupcake: this is virgin boy?
Me: now i have NO remorse for posting that voicemail
Cupcake: ok yea thats a super creeper move
01/13/11, 9;35 PM, via IM
Raising the bar
Me: Vman still hasn't called so i think that ship has sailed
Me: Whatever, I've learned that I'm good enough now to attract douches so at least I'm more confident and my standards are higher
Dukey: well that works lol
12/26/10, 5;24 PM, via text message
So someone sent me a really sweet email and it’s got me grinning....– Me to Cupcake; 01/02/11, 4:11 PM, via text message
Me: He has high hopes for a guy with performance issues
Dukey: Ah...well fuckwad sounds about right then lol
Me: Plus he walks like a turtle
Dukey: the hell? lol
Me: Oh, and I think he was wearing the guy version of mom jeans
Me: Yes...I don't know how I allowed myself to get to date 3
Dukey: oh man...
Me: I think dark bar and alcohol combined with dark living room and alcohol equals WTF when you finally see someone in daylight while sober
Dukey: LMAO could be
01/01/11, 5;01 PM, via text message
I don’t usually shave for first dates to keep me tame…now I remember...– Me to Dukey; 12/30/10, 9:11 AM, via text message
One thing led to another...
Me: Our second kiss kind of turned into making out which kind of turned into sex. But the good news is he's a great kisser and the sex was really really great too.
Cupcake: Hahaha well yay for good sex!! Umm i held [my date's] hand. Haha I think you win
Me: Yea but I was totally trying to restrain myself. I lose.
12/22/10, 10;24 AM, via text message